Finding your personal joy on Sukkos

Sukkos is called זמן שמחתנו—the season of our joy.

But sometimes, those words can feel more pressuring than uplifting.

What if I don’t feel happy? What if Yom Tov is exhausting? What if parts of my life are painful, complicated, or far from the way I wish they were? Does simchah mean pretending that everything is wonderful?

I don’t believe it does.

On Sukkos, we gather the ארבעה מינים into our hands. Some are beautiful and fragrant. Some have taste but no fragrance, or fragrance but no taste. And the aravah seems to have neither.

Rav Shimshon Raphael Hirsch explains that these different species can represent the different circumstances and experiences in our lives.

Some parts feel beautiful. Some feel fulfilling. Some feel incomplete.

And some may seem to have no beauty at all.

Yet the Torah tells us:

וּלְקַחְתֶּם לָכֶם — Take them for yourselves.

Gather them all. Hold them together. Bring your entire life before Hashem—not somebody else’s life and not the life you think you should have, but the one that is uniquely yours.

And then:

וּשְׂמַחְתֶּם לִפְנֵי ה׳ — You shall rejoice before Hashem.

True simchah does not come from denying the difficult pieces, it comes from knowing that we can carry every part of our story into the sukkah, where Hashem surrounds us with His love.

שְׂמֹאלוֹ תַּחַת לְרֹאשִׁי וִימִינוֹ תְּחַבְּקֵנִי

The sukkah is described as Hashem’s embrace.

We do not have to leave our sadness, worries, disappointments, or imperfect parts outside. We can bring them in with us. We can sit inside Hashem’s embrace exactly as we are. And we do not have to feel completely joyful every moment.

The halachah requires a person’s ראשו ורובו—head and most of the body—to be inside the sukkah. My thought is that it can mean that most of you can enter the joy of Yom Tov, even if another part of you is still tired, hurting, or distracted.

The Sefer HaChinuch writes that human beings have a fundamental need for happiness just as we need food, rest, and sleep. Hashem therefore gave us special times for simchah because He knows how deeply we need it. He wants us to actively create experiences that bring us joy.

That may mean wearing something that makes you feel beautiful, buying a new piece of jewelry, or eating something you enjoy (if someone else makes it!). It can mean turning on the music loud as you prepare for yom tov, taking a quiet walk alone each morning, or making up with a friend to just "get away" for a bit. It can mean retail therapy, it can mean an adult chol hamoed trip, it can mean a beautiful hallel in shul.

For every person it will be something unique that fills them with joy, but it takes effort beforehand to plan it. Joy does not always arrive on its own.

ושמחת בחגך means taking the time and thought to plan how we can gather all our minim - all the parts of our life - the beautiful and the painful - and bring it with us into Hashem's embrace. And doing whatever it takes to help ourselves be joyful in that space.

Before Sukkos, take a few quiet minutes and write (or it might be more realistic to just think!).

What are the small things that help me feel happy, peaceful, alive, or close to Hashem?

Don’t write what should make you happy. Write what genuinely brings you joy.

Then finish this sentence:

What can I realistically do to help myself feel happier, calmer and more present this Yom Tov?

May we enter the sukkah with every part of ourselves—the beautiful parts, the struggling parts, the grateful parts, and the parts still waiting to heal. Just take all your pieces with you and enter the sukkah.

May we feel Hashem holding all of it.

And remember: even if only your ראשו ורובו is there, even if you are only mostly happy, you are still inside the sukkah.

May we all be zocheh to experience a truly happy, peaceful and meaningful Sukkos.

Yocheved Write Your Way Home