Rosh Chodesh Adar✍️

It’s Rosh Chodesh Adar.

I think that we are more than ready for another Purim story this year. For a wonderous miracle in which our horrible enemies get destroyed in one incredible day, where their insidious plans boomerang and indite themselves, where our holy sages become the leaders of the land and peace reigns once again. We are not only ready, we are desperate.

But I wonder. Do you know what happened before the miracle? Esther called all of Klal Yisrael to three days of intense repentance and prayers. The Jews then weren’t at their best behavior. They weren’t listening to their leaders; they were very comfortable in Persia. Haman had picked up on that. Just as now, the enemy know when we are weak. When we have doubts. When we are not united. When we are מפוזר ומפורד. That’s when they attack.

But Esther knew the remedy. לך כנוס את כל היהודים. Gather them as one. They need to be united. They need to gather, they need to repent, they need to pray. And only then will the enemy lose its power over them.

How will they repent? How will their distance from Hashem deep within their hearts cease? By recognizing His intense involvement in every aspect of our lives. By eradicating amalek – doubting that there’s a plan, thinking it’s all happenstance, a series of tragic coincidence, and feeling His protection over us deep within.

Hashem orchestrated a series of seeming coincidences. Achashveirosh randomly kills his queen, he chooses Esther, Esther happens to be Mordechai’s niece, Mordchai happens to hear Bigsan and Seresh, Haman happens to come in the middle of the night when Achashveirosh couldn’t sleep, he happens to have built this tree, he happens to be begging Esther when Achashveirosh walks in – and amazingly enough he gets hung up on that very tree! ליהודים הייתה אורה ושמחה וששון ויקר!

When we read it in the megillah, it’s an amazingly obvious series of hashgacha pratis that lead to a stunning salvation. But when it all happened, it was over a period of many years. Years of confusion, or terror, or threats to our nation. It was horrible when Esther was taken against her will, it was horrible when the Jews were destined to be obliterated. It was far from the obvious miraculous series of salvations we read.

And that is the way that we can be led to teshuva. We, too, experience series of seeming happenstances in our lives that make us wonder where our salvation is. We too experience the amalek within, doubt that Hashem is orchestrating each minute detail of our lives with the direct intention that our neshama reaches its ultimate tikkun, we too struggle to understand the seemingly unconnected series of happenstances in our lives.

Klal Yisrael is in danger once again. We have enemies within and enemies without. We are reliving the Purim story as never before. Instead of one Haman who wishes to kill us, we have millions. Million of protestors in every place we once thought was safe. Millions of people who want us drowned in the sea. And they’re not choosing which day would be best to do so, they’d be thrilled to do it any day they can.

We are living with the knowledge that most of the world wants us destroyed. And we are living with the deep and absolute belief that Klal Yisrael will survive. ומי יודע אם לעת כזאת הגעת למלכות. None of us know which exact minute, which overwhelming and confusing test is just the one that we were put in this world. כי אם החרש תחרישי בעת הזאת, רווח והצלה יעמוד ליהודים - For if you are quiet, if you don’t take this opportunity to fulfill your tafkid, all won’t be lost, Klal Yisrael will continue no matter what, but you won’t be the hero in the story.

We all are experiencing huge tests in our lives. It seems random, it seems like a series of misfortunes with no rhyme and reason. But who knows if this quiet nisayon is the one that will lead to the salvation of our nation. Maybe this is the final merit that will tip the scale.

May we merit to see the ונהפוך הוא clearly this year! May we merit that the millions of Hamans be eradicated. May we merit that we unite as one, that we repent and beg for salvation. May we merit that the series of horrific tragedies that we are witnessing be finally combined into an incredible megillah of salvation. And may each of us see the incredible salvation – ליהודים הייתה אורה ושמחה וששון ויקר!

Let’s Write!Give yourself a few minutes to really relax. Relax your muscles, listen to relaxing music, or scan your body and allow all tension to relax. Take a few very deep and slow breaths. Close your eyes and try to focus on your inner world. Ask yourself a simple question. Don’t answer with your head. Let your heart answer from deep within. “Where am I struggling in my relationship with Hashem?” Write down the answer that came up. There’s no right and wrong, trust that whatever comes up is the right one. Try to come up with a list of seven times in your life that you had this struggle. It can be the same struggle, or similar struggles, usually with circumstances that are different, details that differ, but underneath it all was the same struggle. Can you look at this list and recognize that it’s not by happenstance that you struggled with this again and again. It’s because this is the tikkun that your neshama needs to get to its completion? Can you recognize that this is your personal megillah in the midst of unfolding and you can be the one determining its conclusion? ומי יודע אם לעת כזאת הגעת למלכות... Write your own personal megillah story. Describe the series of seeming happenstances that your neshama had to struggle with so that it can reach its ultimate inner salvation. You are the Queen, you are the one who save your inner self, you are the one that can ensure the continuity of the Jewish Nation, one soul at a time. When you finish writing your megillah, give it a title. It is your personal megillah. The Chovos Halevavos writes: "Hayamim megillos - Each day is a new book. Kisvu bahem mah shetachpetzu l'hizacher bahem. Write in them what you'd like to be remembered about you" (Cheshbon Hanefesh, Chapter 3)